“Is your column about me this time?” asked my husband. That was the third time in the past two months he had asked that question. Each time my answer was “No, not this time.”stacey_harris-logo

   I found it funny that my husband, who isn’t all the big into public recognition, might want to be the subject of one of my columns.

   True, there are several topics that I could circle back to him. I just hadn’t found something that really worked for this type of public forum.

   Until now.

   In less than two weeks, my husband will be celebrating his 40th birthday. While this is a big birthday even in terms of Hallmark greeting cards, it’s an even bigger birthday for Marty.

   To Marty, turning 40 means getting very close to the age that his father was when he passed away. Marty lost his dad to cancer 30 years ago this year. His father was only 44 years old, and Marty was 13 days from turning 10 years old.

   I’m assuming that losing a parent is never easy; I’m one of the lucky ones to still have both of my parents alive and well. I can only imagine the feelings involved when you a lose a parent while still a youngster yourself.

   Marty’s never made it a secret that his father’s early death had an impact on him — especially who he is as a dad himself. Luckily, he had several strong male influences in his life while growing up, and while they couldn’t take the place of his father, each helped make him the honorable and good man his is today. For that, I am truly thankful.

   I believe his loss is one reason why Marty is such a fantastic father. He’s the type of dad who doesn’t miss a swim meet, band concert or Cub Scout event unless he has no other possible choice. He is active in our children’s lives, and I believe he’s one of their best friends.

   My husband is the dad who bakes cakes for auctions, works on class projects, sews patches onto Scout uniforms, dresses up in costumes, and spends time just talking to his kids.

   He makes us all laugh constantly, and while he’s the funny guy in our family, he is also the one the kids fear the most. By fear I don’t mean they are scared of him, but rather they both yearn for his respect and approval.

   It’s apparent to me how much our kids value their father’s opinion. They think very highly of him, and they relish it when he says he’s proud of them – which he tells them all the time.

   If there was anything even slightly good that came out of my husband’s losing his dad at such an early age, it is that he took his own experience and his own grief and turned them into golden characteristics. Marty has made each and every day count as a dad and a husband. At the end of the day, his family knows how much he cares.

   I’ve heard it said many times that we hold our future in our own hands. I think that’s true in some respects. We can choose to take a bad situation and find something good from it, or we can choose to let it beat us down.

   Whether it’s losing a loved one or enduring some other life-altering experience, what we do with that experience and those feelings affects who we become. It’s not easy, but then life was not guaranteed to be easy — just worth it.

   This month when my husband asks if my column is about him, I will proudly tell him “yes.” Happy 40th Birthday, Marty! Enjoy it. Celebrate it and who you are, because you deserve it.

 

STACEY HARRIS lives in LaPorte with her husband and two children. She is an account manager for a national advertising agency.